Has it been four years already?! It was late 2009. The owner of a local gym called Sweat was at the same fancy wedding I was. His name is Josh. I knew him because my law partner handled his legal matters. Now Josh comes up to me and says, "When are we going to get Sam Crump in shape?"
You need to understand that Josh looks like one of these Greek god types. You'd swear he buys his shirts extra small so they fit so tight on him. But no, he's actually that buffed. He used to play football for South Carolina. So Josh's question to me made me rather self conscious. I felt like I had a sign stuck to my back that said "FAT". He had asked me to enroll in his kick-ass fitness program before. Everyone was doing it. It was like a cult. And I tend to avoid cults. But for some reason this time I said yes.
The next week he was in my office. "Okay, it's time to get Sam Crump signed up." Why did he always refer to me in the third person? I'm sitting right here. I soon learned that's a Joshism. The following Monday I reported to the gym on a cold, dark November morning in North Phoenix. As I approached the brightly lit storefront in a strip mall I could hear the pounding music, as if a group of gangbangers were sitting in their car nearby. I opened the door and felt the hot, sweaty air billow out into my face. And that pounding rap music blaring. I felt very out of place as I looked around at the young twenty somethings all running and squatting and jumping.
I stood there for an uncomfortable sixty seconds, unsure what to do, when sure enough he approached. "What's Sam Crump doing just standing there?!," he yelled. With that he threw me on a treadmill and pumped it up to level 6. Then he just walked away. My first thought was - this it too fast. My second thought was - how long is he going to leave me here?
Now let me add a little introspection. I've never been an athlete. I used to play some tennis and golf and enjoyed running here and there. Not an athlete, but not a couch potato either. And I've never aspired to be a Greek god. A Josh. But after I turned forty, a decade ago, I noticed how my metabolism slowed down. I could no longer eat and drink anything I wanted and not suffer the consequences. So I liked the idea of getting into a fitness regimen and avoiding becoming a fat blob.
Okay, back to the gym. After that initial workout in which Josh had me going through drills with a group of about ten other victims, I was lying in bed that night in complete pain. Every muscle in my body hurt. And this was just day one of what would be a three month program, going to the gym four days per week. Oh, and then there's the diet: one meal a day and two of Josh's proprietary (of course) shakes per day. But I did it. And I didn't die.
The results? I went from 217 pounds to 187. So this six foot tall guy approaching middle age dedicated himself to this boot camp and lost 30 pounds in three months. Not bad. And I remember feeling so motivated. I enjoyed going to business lunches and ordering a simple salad with no dressing, just oil and vinegar. I loved people telling me how great I looked.
Yeah, well, that lasted for about a year. Slowly but surely the needle on that damn scale kept creeping to the right, even when I tried to stand ever so lightly. Eventually the new clothes I bought for the new and slimmer me no longer fit. I was wearing the ones from the old and fatter me.
I got back into the gym earlier this year, and I workout two or three times a week. And it feels great. I can't say the pounds are melting away and I'm sure Josh would say it's because "Sam Crump's not drinking my shakes!" It's true. While my workouts may be preventing the needle from moving right, their not yet moving it left.
So my New Year's resolution is to work on the diet part of "diet & exercise". I will turn fifty at the end of this year and I'd really like to avoid that phenomenon that some men get around that age where you'd swear they are pregnant.
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